Trapped!
by animalbowling
Summary: Harry, Draco, and Snape take refuge in the very wrong! place during an epic battle. Mostly dialogue, no real pairingbut HPDM if anything.


A/N: I might as well call this one "I should have been studying for finals."

A/N 2: The line breaks indicate time passing. Which should be obvious, but... well, you just never know.

A/N 3: Personally, I've nothing against Snarry, or even Snaco.. Drape? heh.. but... I'm uh, not writing it. Feels illegal, and worthy of an icky face.

A/N 4: It occurs to me that I should warn people that there are **spoilers** for Btvs season six in this, though it is in no way about Btvs.

A/N 5: It also occurs to me that I'm too fond of author's notes.

* * *

Harry finally looked up from the shelf he'd been staring at for the last two hours. "I hate you," he said.

"Honestly Potter," a snarky voice answered him. "What did that shelf ever do to you?"

"Shut-up," Harry answered.

"Mr. Potter," another voice broke in, "you will kindly refrain from abusing the shelves." Harry snorted. "And Mr. Malfoy," the voice added. "At least until we get out of here."

Harry raised one eyebrow and nodded.

"Look, it wasn't my bright idea to hide us down here," Draco sniffed.

"Yes," Harry said, "but it was your idea to hide."

Snape rolled his eyes.

"Professor," Draco whined, "why haven't they come to get us yet?"

Snape growled. "Most likely," he said, "because they are rather busy fighting a battle outside, you half-witted monstrosity."

Draco looked wounded. "I'm actually very smart," he said to Harry. "Everyone thinks so."

"Yes, of course they do Malfoy. Now shut-up."

Draco pouted.

* * *

"Couldn't you whip up a potion or something to get us out of here?" Harry asked. 

Snape grimaced. "Do you see my cauldron anywhere? Maybe I missed it among the _nothing_ in this _bloody_ broom cupboard!" he shrieked. "Or, no! I know! I'll just gather all these _non-existent_ potions ingredients and cook them in your useless skull! After I've hollowed it out of course."

Harry huffed. "No reason to be such a bastard."

Snape rolled his eyes.

"Yeah," Draco said thoughtfully. "That was kinda harsh. Besides, cooking in it would make his skull useful."

Snape and Harry glared at him.

"I hate you two," Draco said.

* * *

"Ok," Harry said, "On the count of three we all rush the door. Got it?" 

"Yes," they chorused.

"One-Two- Ow! Bloody fuck! God damnit Malfoy."

"Language Potter!" Snape snarled.

"Sorry," Draco said.

"This is so fucking hopeless." Snape said. "I really hate you two."

Harry and Draco rolled their eyes.

* * *

"So, when a heffalump is crossed with a woozle what do you get?" Draco asked. 

"A woozlump?" Harry asked.

Draco giggled. "Nope," he said, and looked at their professor.

Snape sighed. "A heffaoozle?" he said.

Draco giggled again. "Nope!" he said.

Snape growled. "What is it then?"

"A hoozalump! You are!" Draco cackled madly.

"Oh my God! I hate you!" Harry screamed. Snape nodded.

Draco pouted. "I thought it was funny when Uncle Voldie told it to me," he said.

Harry rolled his eyes.

* * *

"Alohamora," Harry said, tapping his wand on the door. 

"Potter, honestly, repetition does not help a spell work," Snape said tiredly.

"You pronounced it wrong at least half the time anyway," Draco said, from his sprawled position on the floor.

"Budge up you git," Harry snarked. "I need somewhere to sit."

"Go sit on Snape then," Draco said.

"Mr. Malfoy, I'm seconds from murdering you," Snape said. "I thought you should know."

"I'll kill you if you hurt him!" Harry said, a little too loudly.

Snape and Draco looked at him in confusion.

"Sorry," he said, "it's just the hero complex building up in my blood. We've been trapped too long; it has to work its way out somehow. I've got it under control now," he said to Snape, "kill away."

Draco huffed, and sat up.

* * *

"_Noboodyyy knowwsss the troubless I've seeeeen. Noboooodyyy knowwsss my soorrrrrrroowwwwwwssss." _Harry sang. 

"Shut-up, shut-up, shut-up, Potter!" Snape wailed.

"Fine," Harry said, "_Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream—"_

"_Row, row, row your boat gently down the stream," _Draco sang.

Harry smiled at him as they sang on. They both turned on their professor, who sighed and sang, "_Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, when I kill you you'll scream." _

They giggled. Snape rolled his eyes.

* * *

"I wonder who's winning," Harry said. 

"I'd say, that since the castle hasn't come down around our ears, we are," Snape said.

"Dad said Uncle Voldie wanted the castle," Draco said. "Nostalgia for his first kill or something."

"Oh fabulous," Harry said. "So I'm just waiting in the closet like a surprising yet delicious caramel center."

Snape and Draco shared a look; they scooted away from Harry.

"You know, it looks like they'd at least come and look for me," Harry whined. "They're _supposed_ to need me for this battle."

"Careful Potter," Draco said, "your ego's inflating and there's barely room for the three of us in here as it is."

"Shut-up, Malfoy. God I hate you."

"Yeah, and you're useful as a saucepan," Draco said.

"I'm going to kill you both," Snape said coolly.

* * *

"So then, the writers brought Buffy back, but the season absolutely sucked! _Everyone _was out of character." Harry said, "I mean, they made Buffy all 'woe is me, I got to see heaven' and they made Willow all addicted to magic like it was heroin. I mean, come on! That would make us all a bunch of junkies. Plus, I won't even tell you what they did to Tara. I can't. And Spike! They tried to make him a rapist! He never even did that when he was fully evil!" 

"Oh god," Draco whimpered, "What happened to Tara?"

"She was shot," Snape said cruelly. "She died. Willow went all evil, it was a thing."

"Severus!" Harry chided. "How could you tell him that? He'll never sleep now."

Snape shrugged.

* * *

Draco yawned, his head pillowed in Harry's lap. "Harry," he said, "Will you take me to one of these movie things when we get out of here?" 

"Course," Harry said nervously.

"I never get to go places. Dad's such a lump."

Snape snerked in his sleep. "What?" he said, "Who's a lump?"

"You are!" Draco and Harry chorused.

Snape rolled his eyes and held one arm up. Harry scooted over to get under it, and Snape pulled him close to his side. Draco frowned, but crawled over to them and repositioned his head on Harry's lap. Snape nodded back off.

"Harry?" Draco asked after awhile.

Harry yawned hugely "What?" he said.

"You won't hate me again as soon as the door's open will you?"

"Course not."

"Good. I like this better."

Harry smiled. "Yeah, s'nice."

"Awhhhhh." Snape said snarkily.

"Shut-up," Harry and Draco said.

* * *

"This is weird. There was so much more room when we were sitting," Draco said. 

"Yeah, it kind of feels like this closet is getting smaller," Harry said.

"It is, you unbelievable dumb-asses," Snape said, trying to pull his body away from them.

"You don't have to be so rude. It could have just been claustrophobia but—Whoa!" Harry yelped, as the closet got even smaller.

The three men stood toe to toe, facing each other. They couldn't move an inch. Draco's wide eyes were terrified. Harry looked irritated, but scared. Snape sighed. With lots of effort he brought his arms up and wrapped them around the boys. They burrowed into him. If possible, their closet shrunk even more.

* * *

"Harry James Potter!" Hermoine shrieked. "What the hell are you doing in a closet with these two? I'll have you know there's a war going on, and we all thought you were dead." 

Harry sighed. "Sorry 'Moine."

"Mate," Ron said, eyeing the scene. "Being gay is one thing, but a ménage in a closet during battle is downright irresponsible. And Snape's old enough to be your dad dude."

Harry made his icky face. Snape saw it. "I concur Mr. Potter," he said.

* * *

"So, what, you're trapped with them for awhile and suddenly you're gonna like them?" Ron asked. 

"Yeah," Harry said, "that's pretty much the idea." He waved at a passing Draco, who waved cheerily back.

"That's too odd mate. I don't think I've ever seen the ferret smile. He's such a freak," Ron said.

"Ronald!" Hermoine scolded. "You didn't think he was a freak when he gave you that chess set you're playing with."

Ron shrugged.

"Anyway," Hermoine said. "It's not the liking Draco thing that's bothering me. It's Snape. He's so disgusting around you two now, all fatherly and caring. He's the one that's bizarre."

"At least he's not a lump," Harry said.

"What?" Ron asked.

"Who's a lump, Harry?" Hermoine asked.

"You are!" Harry shouted. _"You are!"_ he heard Draco shout from across the dining hall. Harry flashed him a smile.

At the head table Snape's head jerked up in surprise. He stood up, knocking his breakfast dishes to the floor. "For the last time, I'm not a sodding lump!" he screamed.


End file.
